Treading

I'm treading water but can't even find the waves I'm drowning in,
my parched throat so dry from relentless struggle, I taste nothing anymore
Bloodshot eyes, tangled hair, and pruned fingers are all I have left from the dive,
from stepping foot into the insanity that I thought was my puddle of comfort

yet here I am bleeding down the river at your ruthless command
with the impermanent ink trickling down my face and through my veins,
the water washes it away
erasing the once strong words that I see now were nothing but lies

sharp water fills my lungs like your empty promises and fake kisses
stabbing at my eyes and burning my skin
my world is on fire
but I'm drowning in the water that can no longer calm the flames of indecency,
drowning in the water that is no longer capable of putting out the forest fire of my world

you can't save me anymore
your water is making me drown,
defying the motion of the waves is something I can no longer do
so I stop pushing on, stop trying to empty out the sinking boat with a bucket filled with holes

waiting for the fire to go out itself, I can emerge as a new soul, a new person
scarred but whole
burned but never again believing of such atrocities that used to rule my life,
guiding my heart in the wrong direction.
set me free
so I can dive into the real thing this time

HGM

7.31.08