Sweet Felicity.

My heart longs for you
a soul whom I barely know
with a voice ringing nostalgically in my ears
as your handwriting imprints on my mind
like a permanent remembrance

One smile from you brightens my morning like no other jewel
beaming from across the world
or maybe
from across the planet

I imagine the trumpet sounds that come from your own hands
as if I've already memorized the notes by heart
I contemplate the scarce possibility that I
will ever get to taste those notes myself
or know your beautiful melody at all

Regardless of the strange world I live in
I see myself belonging in yours
yearning for your familiar soul so unknown to me
hidden behind your charming grin
and miraculous apple pie dreams

You define kindness
And you make sense

I in my chaotic riveting mess
find nothing but a pure sweetness in you
Your reserved walk
sweet smile
and encouraging disposition of a soul
Can you really blame me?
Take one look at me and I'm
falling to my feet for who you are

I am simply drawn to the fragrance of your spirit
as your eyes omit a sparkle of admiration
I know not what to do but
close my eyes
and smile
and wait
for the next inevitable second that you will unknowingly
sweep me off my feet

I wonder what swims in your mind sometimes
when you see me make a complete fool of myself

Your gaze rests softly in my eyes like
a long lost friend
connected by this mutual fondness undefined

Surely you don't study me as I study you
but acknowledging my words
you long to identify
catching my eye at unforeseen yet predictable moments
and I find myself wondering just how
purposeful
you are

Staircases and windowsills
locations of memories unforgotten
A bright joy

My heart breaks for what I can't give you
becoming aware that this sweet life I have in you
can't ever be more than just a dream
Sitting in silence I realize what I desire most
is only found in my own made up version
of us

Attempting to break through this denial all I see
is your sweet smile etched onto my heart
You have fingerprints all over it
and although it pains me
to admit you are too many worlds away
your smile is still somehow good enough
You don't even know my name but
you know my face
and that is good enough

Impossible strokes of midnight depict the times that exist only in my mind
and in our precious exchange of recognition
I anticipate those short seconds
those small inklings of true emotion that
I never knew I could feel
Without conversation I can already trace the sound of your voice
with my fingertips
as if you were born into them

Entirely unaware
you are my hero
when not even I knew that I needed one

The conditions of my world are so different than yours
but I know I'm alive
Crash collision course
Sing it to me
and let the ink spill off the pages overwhelmed
just how your joy makes me
and my tears will be covered

So sweet the sound of your melody
Time slowed fast paced blink smile like you do
I don't know you, but I want to


HGM

Dissolution

the things in my world are streaked with tears.
leftover from the precious moments I pushed aside,
staining and changing what I held so dear

Genuine footholds lay now cracked and broken
from rough calloused hands of misunderstanding and abuse,
I kneel down and cry, filling the gaps of emptiness with nothing but pools of pain

Like my expression of admiration for you, the sun is hidden
behind the trees, behind my own blindness that fools even the wisest of hearts

My own blood is splashed across the kitchen floor where my heart died that night.

Your I love you still echoes through my skin and visits me in my sleep,
where I can see you so real like yesterday,
still feel your warmth around me when none of the world mattered.
but those beasts in this life came too fast,
swallowing up with animosity what was originally perfect,
suffocating my words,
and stealing away my burning passion for you.

Never in repair until your hands embrace mine, I sink through the air.
looking for oxygen, a home I found in you for those moments we were together

You haunt my dreams and
the way out of this mess holds almost as many miles as your absence.

and now miles away you sleep as I am in agony for what I lost.


HGM

6.8.10

Abundance

I still can recall him. His laugh. His voice. His smell.
I still can recall him from that night,
smiling at me from the peace of his brown eyes
that whisper a truth only him and I could ever understand

Suddenly everything good in my heart and the world
was no longer scarce, anymore
Only abundant with everything I could ever need.

time stops but fades too quickly
and no moment can replace those that were entirely ours
entirely content
doing nothing, saying everything
parallel to a universe that only existed in my dreams

unknowingly
he somehow holds onto my heart and soul
With the sweetness of innocence blooming
through the night sky and out the window
where the cars drive by
oblivious to the heart in the passenger seat
that I was falling in love with

HGM

5.13.10

for that smile.

Lying Numbers

the ticking of the clock surrounds me in this room
with its menacing power in this still moment
the hands reach for me and I don't know if I trust them
the whispers from next door diminish the closer I listen

time betrays me
my toes turn cold and my breathing suddenly becomes as loud as the ticking tocks on the wall
I am excluded with a dead and suffocating silence

the ringing in my ears begin to drown everything out as the silence grows stronger
I begin to miss things I never had and wonder which way to turn

the hands still reach for me
and I decide that I don't trust them.
their numbers tell lies while they point their fingers at me
their ticking spills deceit through my veins

the ticking of the clock surrounds me in this room.
with its menacing power in this still moment
I slide my arms down the wall and throw it far away from me
as I fall to the ground and cry


HGM

3.27.10

Like Mine.

My heart pushes this blood through my veins with such an intensity now, alive
my passion is on fire, free like a soul with not a single boundary
every moment is saved, etched onto my heart like a permanent picture
filled with things that leave me with no words

to be disconnected from the world was a feeling all too familiar
but somehow you're not the rest of the world but real, and beautiful

and now, alone doesn't exist

I stand here with those words you say repeating on a loop in my soul
and I can do nothing but bask in their warmth,
Suddenly the brokenness in me has been made whole again by
forests and water guns
honesty and picnic tables
playgrounds and pinecones
two eyes and a smile

whole now in a way I never knew to be possible
my soul is pierced forever by an unexpected rescue
and my heart has a place to go this time,
a safe one

I am no longer staring into a reflection no one else sees
Bursting at the seams with a joy long forgotten,
I dance to myself and hum a tune that I can finally share with a soul like mine.


HGM

3.25.10

Of Stars

bright light comes from the dark sky above
shining gloriously through the fog and onto our faces.
staying under the blankets and out of the cold
we laugh at nothing as the stars hold our complete attention

the dew takes over and ices everything around us
but not our hearts, which beat warmly in our chests
louder and softer than ever before
connecting in a spontaneous moment of truth and safety

the small light illuminates the details of our faces
and suddenly everything becomes clear as I sit not alone
enveloped in a moment etched into my mind forever
untouched, untainted, and mine

like a still picture of hands pointing to the stars
and of smiles painted on our faces radiating beauty into the night sky
we sit in silence
and I sit in awe of the very soul who makes me feel alive and free

the heaviness on my heart is lifted and I am suddenly lighter
bursting with a laughter I forgot I had
the vastness of the space we rest in does not scare me
as we are the only people in the entire universe of stars
 
the treasured light shines from the darkness above
opening my eyes to what I knew I was seeing all along

staying under the blankets and out of the cold
we turn to each other, laugh at nothing, and we neglect the stars
as they shine on, witnessing our moment of sheer perfection before we say goodbye

HGM

3.7.10
A.B.

This is where I come from.

I am from
the year 1990, Edgewood.
but part of my heart stays in Ferndale forever.

I'm from my two parents and a stepdad, six grandparents, two brothers, one sister, dogs all the time, cousins too many to count, nicknames like Peanut and Crayola, and funny arguments on Christmas Eve.

I am from the paw hands of a special little person who achieved big dreams and changed a stubborn 16 year old girl into a courageous woman.
Seb who stole my heart forever, r.i.p.

from different schools and different towns, from knowing different people and knowing myself.
from growing up as the oldest of the kids, the only girl on the block, and the best friend of a family who meant more to me than they probably knew.
from the sound of the piano through the open screen door for the whole neighborhood to hear on a sunny day.
I am from making memories and creating laughter.
embarrassment and reminiscing, knowing that time is precious.
from constant performing, nervous butterflies, and the feeling of accomplishment after applause.
I am from that very passion.

I'm from wishing I was in a time where drugs weren't sold for happiness and people weren't afraid to stand up for what they believe in.
from baseball games in the front yard and biffing it so bad on my bike in front of all the boys.
A glass of milk every day and a new movie every night.
3+ packs of a gum a week
dancing around in the sprinkler during the summertime
sunflower seeds on the pitcher's mound
bringing the heat and singing along to John Fogerty's centerfield
and jumping into rivers fully clothed because of a dare and a heart full of what it means to be alive

I am from finding inspiration in everything
singing to no lyrics and dancing to no music
getting lost in a book
with fuzzy socks and painted toenails
from orthopedic surgeons, passing out on the 4th of july
dance classes, headgear, mono, and tae kwon do.

from playing the guitar around the fire with an amazing soul who will never leave your heart.
bicycles, trips to the park, and driving around
feeling safe and loved in ways never thought possible

from ice skating, badminton, and going barefoot
sleepovers, rocket man, and picking blackberries
from sitting on the kitchen floor laughing at everything because everything is funny
when you're with people you love

I'm from always believing.

I am from endless conversations and midnight walks down the road
from ink stains on my left hand and notebooks filled with expression.
from fingerprints on the piano keys for the nights I was alone and for the days I was surrounded by people I loved.

and now..
A purple door, a two car garage, yellow walls that brighten my day, a true hero for a father
and a mickey mouse that helps me to know he's with me always. [I love you Sebastian]
I am and always will be from a family, from ups and downs, from endings and beginnings, from journeys and dead ends, from roads and airplane wings, from funerals and weddings, and from hearts that love me no matter what.

I am from endless victories that render me speechless and comebacks that leave me standing tall.
from black and white photographs that have finally been flowered with color.
from the stage where I often feel more at home than anywhere else.

I'm from knowing what i want to do in life.

from a dream to help other people and graduate college.
from good teachers who taught me what others don't see.
from passion I hold onto as if it's life and death.

I'm from a place where texting is tolerable and dancing is expected.
from take-it-in moments that make me who I am and from the the beach where the waves make me hold my arms out to the world.

from blue skies, tulips, elephants, and strawberries.
from learning how to do things I've never done before.
from inside jokes that make me laugh no matter where I am.
and afterwards, from the people who give me weird looks like I'm crazy.

I'm from being ridiculous.

I'm from watching the stars at night in the country.
and I'm from city and people and not always knowing how to breathe or take a step.
from seeing life in a different light.
from a place I feel safe, from sometimes having more fun doing nothing than something, and from realizing.

I'm from..
a place where sweatpants are sexy, blankets are important, and beauty doesn't come from cosmetics.
I'm from happiness earned the hard way.
from poetry in every word, music in every sound, and love in every whisper.

from a heart that yearns what it doesn't have but embraces what it does.

I am from appreciating the small things in life that go unnoticed.
from pizza throwing and sandwich making.
from dairy queen ice cream.
from backyard tire swings and trampolines
from beliefs no one can take away.
from living without the influence and with smiles that reach the ends of the earth.
from seeing and advocating and supporting.
from caring about things bigger and more important than myself and my own little world.
family and friends every day of the week and constant I-love-you's that resonant in my soul deeper than anybody could begin to explain.

I am from freedom and perseverance,
from struggle and strength,
and from never giving up
because fighting for what you believe is better than living for what you don't.


HGM